Bible Text: Matthew 18:15-20 | Preacher: Rev. Jenn Geddes
In 1971 Sly and the Family Stone released their greatest hit. They were one of the first integrated musical acts with both black and white musicians. The Family Stone included siblings Sly, Rose and Freddie Stone as well as numerous other musicians throughout the years. Each one, regardless of race were “adopted” into the family. This hit I referred to was the fourth and final number one for this funk-r&b- soul-pop group. It is their only song to rank in Rolling Stone magazine’s 500 Greatest Songs of All time. It was a song that was markedly different from any of their early work. It’s got a nice groove to it but its much more somber. It uses a rhythm box- or drum machine. It was in fact the first number one hit to ever feature a programmed rhythm track. Something that is now used by most pop artists. Sly Stone and his sister Rose were the lead vocals on this song which is fitting because the lyrics talked of both the good and difficult aspects of being- a family. “It’s a family affair, it’s a family affair.” Sly delivered bass tones which differed from his previous work as a gospel singer. Interestingly enough, even though this was Sly and the FAMILY Stone’s biggest hit. With the exception of his sister Rose singing the refrain none of the other members of the band were utilized in the recording. Sly played all the instruments except for the piano which was played by Sly’s friend Billy Preston. Imagine the discussions when it was decided that this song- featuring few of the group- would be the single. Imagine the claims to rights when this song became their greatest hit. Sometimes the challenges of being in a family are brought on by our own behaviour, our own choices and sometimes they are brought on by the people we love most.
Families can be unpredictable and difficult but they are also the closest bonds we will ever have. When families function well they are God’s way of teaching us important virtues- things like sharing and working together, compassion and forgiveness and most definitely patience. But more often than not families can also teach us how to fight. My brother and I practised that lesson a lot. Today’s Gospel lesson touches upon the relationships within a family. The lesson is a little more than how to reconcile with a sibling. It is a lesson on how to live as a Christian family and community- with all our sibling rivalries, parental support, and growth spurts.
Jesus teaches in this passage that a Christian community is not a private matter. It is not something that happens when you are alone. This is difficult for our post-post-modern world to comprehend. We are often focused on our own personal journeys. In fact lots of denominations will require that we have a personal relationship with Jesus. I am comfortable with supporting the desire to have our own independence within our faith journey and relationship with God but this passage reminds us that it is in fact not only about Jesus being a personal Lord and Saviour- but a redeemer of the whole- the entire family of God- the community and creation. When two or three are gathered together in Jesus’ name that is when Jesus promises to be in our midst not when we are off by ourselves feeling righteous or spiritual. However, that also means we are challenged with the difficult task of listening to and loving one another. Before we can gather together in prayer we must reconcile our differences. This is by far the most challenging task of all.
Matthew 18 provides a communal approach to dissent and reconciliation in which an individual has at least three opportunities to rethink, reconsider and listen. The desert Fathers and Mothers, who were monks and ascetics who predominantly resided in the deserts in Egypt around the third century often discussed these rules in Matthew. Abba Bitimius asked Abba Poemen, “If someone has a grievance against me and I ask his pardon but cannot convince him, what is to be done?” Abba Poemen answered, “Take two other brothers with you and ask his pardon. If he is not satisfied, they pray to God without anxiety, that God may satisfy him, and do not worry about it.” Essentially what Abba Poemen means is that once a grievance has been raised if the sister or brother refuses to change then the change must occur within ourselves.
There are a few curious things about Jesus’ advice that goes against some of our cultural behaviour. Jesus puts the burden of reconciliation upon the victim. This is contrary to our penal system which tries its best to remind victims that it is not their fault. However, I believe it is in anger management programs that try to remind those who have a temper that it is only they who can control their reactions when dealing with how others effect them. Jesus’ advice is essentially saying the same thing. That if one feels a wrongdoing has occurred it is not their job to place the blame, or seek revenge or retribution but rather they are required to confront with a listening ear those whom they feel have wronged them.
I am sure there are many of us out there who would rather avoid confronting conflict at all costs- whether its by ignoring the situation or being passive aggressive or even manipulative or feeling blameless. But Jesus’ teaching gives us hard advice. In C.S. Lewis’ The Great Divorce. Lewis describes a hell that resembles a world we inhabit. Hell is this large, grey community, that is both full of people and empty in centre. “A city inhabited only at its outer edges with rows and rows of empty houses in the middle. Empty because everyone who once lived in them had quarrelled with the neighbours and moved, and quarrelled with new neighbours and moved again, leaving empty streets full of empty houses behind them. That,” Lewis writes, “Is how hell got so big with an empty centre and inhabited fringes- because everyone in it chose distance instead of confrontation.” They chose to leave things unresolved rather than find a solution. It is important to remember that in confronting a conflict the end goal is to build a relationship not break one. The ultimate goal being reconciliation. Jesus reminds his disciples that this reconciliation is a mutual experience. That the one who feels wronged must also reconcile rather than accuse the other.
The other thing that marks this as a unique relationship is that Jesus does not appear to be concerned with who is right and who is wrong. In fact Jesus implies that even if the conflict was not your fault it is still important to admit one’s own wrongdoings. It is difficult to admit when we have been wrong and likely even harder when someone else tells us how wrong we are. But Jesus says we are all wrong when we choose to work as individuals rather than for the community. The best way to act as a community is to listen to one another and then pray with each other.
Barbara Brown Taylor says, “It is a real nuisance to belong to a family. It would be so much easier if we were just a bunch of individuals, loosely bound by similar beliefs but whose affairs remained a private matter between us and God. But according to Jesus, there is no such thing as privacy in the family of God. Our life together is the chief means God has chosen for being with us…Our life together is the place where we are comforted, confronted, tested and redeemed by God through one another. It is the place where we come to know God.” This is not a personal, private affair but rather a family affair.
It is scary being a family, being a community. It goes against some of our cultural behaviours, certainly our desire to be private people on our own individual journeys. And yet, there are great gifts too. When a family functions well we are interacting with people who love us, people who support us, people who listen to us. As this community takes shape-be it a change in building or not, as the Presbyterian Church in Canada develops new doctrine and policies remember that listening is one of our greatest gifts. God listens to our prayers when we are gathered in unity together. It’s a family affair that is full of rhythm and blues and a lot of soul.